Excuse me Lord.
Is that you again Moses?
I'm afraid it is Lord.
What is it this time Moses; more computer problems?
How did you guess?
I don't have to guess Moses. Remember?
Oh yes; I forgot.
Tell me what you want Moses.
But you already know Lord. Remember?
Well go ahead Moses; spit it out.
Well I have a question Lord.
You know those ten things you sent me via e-mail?
You mean the Ten Commandments Moses?
That's it. I was wondering if they are important?
What do you mean if they are important Moses? Of course they are important.
Otherwise I would not have sent them to you.
Well, sorry Lord but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them but of course you would see right through that.
What do you mean you lost them? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them Moses?
No Lord; I forgot.
You should always save Moses.
Yes I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though.
And did you hear back from any of them?
You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses shalt not. May he change the words a little bit?
Yes Moses as long as he does not change the meaning.
And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions, or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?
Moses I will act as if I did not hear that.
I think that means no. Well what about the guy who said I was scamming him?
I think the term is spamming Moses.
Oh yes. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.
And what did he say?
You know what he said. He used your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those - err - plagues and that's the reason I lost those ten things do you?
They are not plagues; they are called viruses Moses.
Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day but at least I never lost them.
We will do it the new way Moses; using computers
I was afraid you would say that Lord.
Moses what did I tell you to do if you messed up?
You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer.
It's a mouse Moses not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?
No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way Lord did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?
One other thing. Why did you not name them frogs instead of mice because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?
I did not name them Moses. Man did and you can call yours a frog if you want to.
Oh that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'
Say good night Moses.
Wait a minute Lord. I am pointing the mouse and it seems to be working. Yes a couple of the ten things have come back.
Which ones are they Moses?
Let me see. Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.
Turn the computer off Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets.
Jennifer a manager at Walmart had the task of hiring someone to fill
a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found
four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the
four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine
which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table,
Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head.
There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm.. let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that
it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular
cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was
contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across
the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.
'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found
her man 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious
to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and
I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHT, I had already **** my pants.'
Louie is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Walmart from now on.