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Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by The Only Sarge, Sep 30, 2017.
Thanks for your response. The reality is - if you honestly don't think you'll regret treating him however you are right now, then by all means, do so! I think the only thing that we (at least I am) are concerned about is whether or not you'll regret treating him however you are. That's all, because regret is a bitch. I didn't talk to my dad for a solid 10 years (for various reasons), and I'm glad we made up. I can only imagine the regret if we didn't and that's scary for me to even think that.
Regret is a funny emotion. Regret concerning your actions/inaction can be misleading. Do you regret having no influence nor control in a situation when that situation produced a fatal outcome? Would you regret not stopping the train before it crashed and killed 100 people when you were standing on the street watching it? Of course not. If I could have influenced that outcome and didnt then I would regret it. But that is not the case.
Few years back I wrote him a letter. Poured my heart and soul into it. Offered all me wordly powers/influence to help him overcome this demon.
Was told to go **** myself. Stay out of his business. Sure. No problem.
Today they opened his dumbass up. His pancreas is leaking enzymes that are deadly. Apparently these enzymes eat/kill all the surrounding tissue and that tissue dies and becomes infected/septic. So he has big pockets of infection pressing against his heart and lungs. Further this "poison" that is leaking also got into his bloodstream and is killing/killed his liver and kidneys. This is no way to die. All over drinking booze. For the buzz. I struggle with that rationale and will never understand it.
So this morning (here in a few hours) we will go up there. Not for his dumbass but for our youngest daughter who is in labor and giving birth to my next Grandson. It is a happy time for my family. Yes I will go to his hospital room to support my family. He will not even be aware I am there.
My thoughts are with you Sarge. I'm with you in spirit.
In my experience, I've been told that forgiveness of a person over anger and resentments past or present, is not for their sake. Forgiveness is for me, they say, because my resentments and anger keep me captive to my emotions. Anger serves to protect me from allowing him or them to hurt me again but I have also seen freedom in forgiveness. Not forgiveness to all because I don't see that happening. Hate the disease of addiction and pray for the addict in the grips. For you.
Godspeed in your joys and sorrow today my friend.
A very sad thread. I’m sorry for your situation Sarge. It’s painful anytime a friend or especially a family member goes through addiction. I know what you are going through because my brother died from addiction. He was 31.
Addiction like any behavioral issue is spiritual. It’s an attack. It can be ended if the person seeks a spiritual solution. One must address the soul and heart when dealing with behavioral challenges. As you all know there are many behavioral issues in addition to alcoholism. All are spiritual.
Thank you. There is no greater witness for breaking the chains of religion than a fundamentalist Christian trying to convince people an alcoholic just has demons.
Sorry to hear the news Sarge my thoughts and prayers are with you. I've seen what alcoholism can do to families.
Sarge, congratulations on the upcoming birth of your grandchild. I would say I'm sorry about the other stuff, but I know you're not seeking sympathy, so all I'll say is, I understand your emotions. Be well sir.
Sorry to hear about you little brother and my prayers are with you and your family. I've been through the similar thing with my parents. Doctor told my dad to quit smoking and a few years later he died of a massive heart attack at 50. Mom smoked from 17 yr to 60 yrs. At 75 she came down with lung cancer and called a miracle patient by her Dr's, she should have died. She got nine more years before the cancer came back in both lungs. It's a horrible way to die, you basically slowly suffocate to death.
I'm glad you passed on your story even though it's heart breaking you might save someones life by waking them what can happen when you abuse alcohol.
I lost a high school buddy last year, 56, to a drug overdose. He was another one of those people who couldn't drink socially with out getting trashed.
Just an update. Moved him to Hospice. Dr. says he has 24 hours maybe 48 tops.
He just could not beat the alcohol monkey on his back. 55 years old.
I am glad the suffering is ending.
I'm sorry sarge. I know your stance on this(saw OP), and even though I'm young, I've lost some people very close to me.
No matter the reason, I still feel we lose a part of ourselves when our immediate family, and closed friends, loved ones, pass away. It's just one of things I think of like: "you're here, and all of a sudden, you're just not anymore." Everyone takes death and handles it differently. But at least for me, those who passed away, especially untimely, I wish I had just one more chance to see them again.
The pain he's suffering will soon end.
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I read the OP as well
Hopefully you'll take this short time to say anything that's on your chest to him
Good or bad
For what it's worth, I've been in your shoes, and back. A long painful road in between. I understand the frustration, anger, and sadness. Sorry you and your family walked the same road, and for your journey ahead.
You have a great online "family" here. From what I've read, folks here seem genuinely concerned for your wellbeing. Really nice to see with all the craziness going on in the world.
In trying to find a segway that doesn't exist, Congratulations on your soon to be grandson!! He will help keep your family moving forward (With your help, of course.)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Well thanks guys. I share this only hoping somebody may get some insight into what alcohol can/will do to you when abused.
On another front....Hospice. I did not know they dont feed you there. I understand my brother "guts" have shut down...but they told me today his kidneys cannot handle the nutrients he was getting from the IV. So he is only on pain medication. No food/nutrients/water.... nothing.
I doubt he even knows it frankly. He is just a vegetable at this point. I just struggle with him just laying there with no water/food nothing waiting for your last heartbeat. But I guess his kidneys are shutting down so any fluid just builds up. What a helluva way to die.
I did find this....
Does a patient suffer when food and water is denied?
Medical research indicates there is no suffering. The New England Journal of Medicine(Jacobs, 2003)reported 94% of nurses reported these patients’ deaths as peaceful. The cessation of eating and drinking is a normal part of the dying process that typically occurs days to weeks before death. Once the body becomes mildly dehydrated, the brain releases endorphins which act as natural opioids, causing the patient to feel euphoria as well as less pain and discomfort. Surprisingly, few patients express the feeling of hunger or the need for water although the mucous membranes and mouth do become very dry and are generally moistened to lessen the discomfort.
My wife (RN) spent 14 years on an oncology floor, then another 9 as a Hospice case manager. This ^^^^ is absolutely true. Dehydration (end stage) is actually one of the least distressing ways for a patient to die. But, moisten lips/mouth for comfort.
My grandmother and father passed similarly but of different causes. My grandmother had lung cancer and they pretty much loaded her up with a lethal overdose of pain medds but and my dad had lukemua but that's a long sad way to go. I wish we had other options
Fascinating, I didn't know this.
Although I remember reading a case history on sailors marooned at sea found dead with food rations still in their tin. Starved to the point that they essentially checked out and died. I wonder if that has anything to do with the phenomenon?
Yeah I think they have him loaded up also.
My wife and I talked about this yesterday...the right to die with dignity. I mean hells bells....it aint suicide. The Doctors have given up. There is no more treatment or meds (outside pain meds). But if you take assisted suicide the insurance companies will not pay life insurance death benefits.
So you would be selfish and deny your loved ones those benefits.
I would not allow a dog to suffer like my brother Eric.........just gut wrenching frankly. Hopefully it will end today I pray.
I hope you and yours can finally find peace.
Thank you man.
I really appreciate you opening up and sharing about all this Sarge. I'm really sorry about your brother and his whole approach to everything, but it's fortunate that his suffering is on its way out and it even sounds like he's fortunate enough to have a pretty painless transition. Thank goodness. I know his choices really affected him, you, and your whole family, and whatever happens now and happens next, I hope that out of every possible way that things can move forward from here, I hope you all get to experience the very best possible version of what could be, however that winds up looking. Best wishes!!